As author Simon Sinek says, you have to “Start with Why.”

A couple months before I retired from the Air Force, I had one of my final meetings with the personnel in the squadron I commanded. There were over 100 of my squadron members in the packed auditorium; and while I had been talking for 45 minutes, the temperature in the room had been steadily climbing.

Following my comments to the squadron, I opened the floor up for questions. People rarely want to ask questions [especially when the room has nearly turned into a sauna] so my First Sergeant broke the ice and asked the first one. His question – “Sir, what are your plans after the Air Force?”

I then explained to the squadron that I was taking six months and experiencing a grand, once-in-a-lifetime adventure – to hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) from the US border with Mexico northbound to the Canadian border. The trail winds through 2,650 miles of deserts, hills, mountains and forests in California, Oregon and Washington. I got a bunch of surprised faces followed by a whole slew of follow-on questions beginning with one young Airman who raised his hand to ask a simple question – “Sir…Why?”

I must admit, a valid question! Why endure 2,650 miles through searing deserts; extreme cold and snow; blowing sand; hordes of bloodthirsty mosquitos and deluges of Pacific Northwest rain? What was my “why?”

In 2011, I married the love of my life, Betsy. Shortly thereafter, we were stationed for 2 years in Southern California where we had the good fortune to live within 10 miles of a section of the PCT. We became quite familiar with this national scenic trail; first through Cheryl Strayed’s book [and later movie] Wild, and also by our many section hikes of the PCT as we prepared for our second backpacking trip in Grand Canyon National Park. During this time period, while visiting Betsy’s parents at their cabin in Arizona, I remember us reflecting on the PCT and thinking how amazing it would be if we could someday thru-hike the storied trail. It was there and then that we added it to our “bucket list.”

The most difficult trial I have ever faced in life began in 2014 when Betsy [at the age of 36] was diagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma cancer. It all happened in the middle of our Air Force move from California to South Carolina and it turned our world upside down. I became Betsy’s primary caregiver as we navigated the complicated and terrifying world of cancer treatment. The experience was a roller coaster of apparent treatment successes, interspersed with crushing relapse setbacks. She endured radiation and chemo at the same time, more chemo, and then finally, a stem cell transplant which ultimately failed to stop the onslaught of the aggressive cancer.

In late August 2015, we were heartbroken when the doctors told us there was nothing more they could do – that it was time to take her home to spend her last days in hospice care at our home in Camden, South Carolina. She passed away a week later in her own bed. The only comfort I had in this was that instead of the chaotic, sterile, and impersonal intensive care unit, Betsy was in her own home; surrounded by her immediate family; and I was there holding her hand when she slipped away on the 6^th of September 2015.

This traumatic experience absolutely changed my life – my view of life – my priorities. Following Betsy’s death, I read Viktor Frankl’s influential book Man’s Search for Meaning as I struggled to find meaning in all that had happened. One paragraph stood out to me like a beacon:

“As each situation in life represents a challenge to man and presents a problem for him to solve, the question of the meaning of life may actually be reversed. Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

So first and foremost, the “why” behind this decision to hike the PCT is Betsy. Betsy will join me on this entire journey both in my heart; and also physically, as I’ll be accompanied by a small amount of her ashes safely contained in a small, keepsake urn.

But I also undertake this adventure for myself.  Having lost Betsy [and multiple Air Force buddies along the way], I’ve seen firsthand that there are no guarantees in life. I’ve seen the frailty and fleetingness of life – and of good health. So I choose to live my life intentionally, with meaning, and experience dreams while I still have the health [and time] to do so. That next job will always be waiting for me 6 months down the road…unless COVID-19 decimates the economy…

I also hope to inspire others in some way with the decisions I’m making in life and the way I use the remaining time God gives me following my Air Force career. This nomadic time period will be my sabbatical – my opportunity to appreciate the natural beauty of this world – to “uncomplicate” my life and live simply from out of a pack carried on my back. It’s a time to reflect on my life, to be questioned by life – to answer for my life.